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TRUE STORY: Man Puts The Blame On His Cat For Getting Wife Pregnant

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Our cat is an evil genius. I seriously think the greasy orange little s**t is still smarter than our nearly one year old

Want to find out how the cat got a woman pregnant? A man has shared the strange way his wife got pregnant… and it involves his cat.

The couple welcomed their first child last year, but she had a difficult pregnancy which saw her on bed rest for several weeks.

Their son was born two months before his due date weighing 4lb 2oz, but thankfully he was happy and healthy.

Due to the nature of their first pregnancy, they decided to hold off on having another child for a couple of years.

He said: “[My wife] started birth control shortly after giving birth to be sure we had no surprises, but the pill tends to make her very sick and she wanted to lose weight, so she stopped taking it.

“We thought rubbers would be enough, but that’s where our cat comes in…”

He said: “Our cat is an evil genius. I seriously think the greasy orange little s**t is still smarter than our nearly one year old.

“He gets into everything, and I do mean everything. No door, drawer, or cabinet can stop him, and if he knows where something he wants is he WILL find it.

“It’s so bad that for weeks after adopting him I thought there was a poltergeist in the house because each morning I’d wake up to find every single cabinet door in the kitchen wide open!

“So how did I f**k up and let him impregnate my wife?

“Well, my first f**k up was storing the condoms in the same drawer as the Q-tips, which he loves to get into and shred apart. He must have seen the box of Q-tips in the drawer when I put my rubbers away, because not even an hour later I stumbled upon a horrific scene of chewed plastic straws, shredded cotton fluff and shiny gold condom wrappers scattered around the gapping drawer that once contained them…”

He cleared up the destroyed Q-tips and put the condoms back in their box, thinking nothing of it.

“We ended up having some sexy time later that night, and I vividly remember stumbling into the dark bathroom, opening a said drawer, and blindly fumbling around in the box to pull out a condom (as was the routine) thinking nothing of what happened earlier.”

But fast forward a few weeks and his wife was complaining of nausea and tender breasts.

“We immediately shoot each a concerned glance as this ain’t our first rodeo, and she felt the same way before discovering her first pregnancy. She still had a half-empty box of tests from the year before and decided to take one just to be sure. Followed by another one… and another one… all positive.”

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About author
Ngere Ikenna is a passionate learner and freelancer writer, blogger and a lover of good reads.
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